Anything you can do, I can do better
by deducethegay
Summary: Jim comes back from being dumped by Molly Hooper, then dares Sebastian to see if he can do it better. Thank you iamthehounds for the prompt Mormor. (Please be kind this is only my second time writing fanfiction!)
1. Chapter 1

Sebastian was draped lazily over the couch, eyes half lidded as he reveled in the peace and quiet. He sat up, stretching his heavy muscles, his back arching in an almost feline manner.  
_Tiger, Tiger_ purred a familiar Irish drawl.  
The sniper let out an exasperated sigh. Jim had only been gone a few hours, and Sebastian was already hearing voices. He mooched about the flat, tidying up Jim's paperwork, cleaning, anything to keep his mind distracted. Eventually he gave up, and settled back down on his couch. Well it wasn't really his couch, it was Jim's. Everything was Jim's- even Sebastian was Jim's. He didn't mind it, in fact he liked it that way. It wasn't what normal blokes did, but then again he and Jim weren't "normal blokes". Sebastian was still puzzling over this when the front door slammed open across the room. He whipped round, hand automatically reaching for the pistol in his back pocket.

"If I was a real threat you'd be dead by now." Said Jim, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow at the disheveled criminal. His normally immaculate hair was rustled, his cheeks flushed, his teeth grinding as he strode into the flat. Sebastian cleared his throat awkwardly, he didn't want to provoke Jim lest he should lose his head.

"Uh Boss, everything ok?" He asked tentatively. Jim bristled before turning to face him .

"Yes. Of course it is. Everything's going according to plan." Jim said, his voice level yet deadly.

"It's just..you look a bit.."

"I look a bit what, Sebastian?"

"On edge?"

Jim opened his mouth, shut it, then raked his sniper with his piercing gaze. Sebastian repressed a shudder. There was something terrifying yet thrilling about Jim's ability to tear into your soul, and see you for what you really are. Seemingly satisfied with his inspection, Jim muttered,

"Promise you won't laugh?"

Sebastian was a little taken back, the words seemed strangely juvenile coming out the criminal's mouth.

"Course I won't laugh. D'you think I've got a death wish?"

"True." Jim smirked as he curled himself around Sebastian on the couch. He gently smoothed Jim's hair, and said as cautiously as he could,

"Well?"

Jim fidgeted restlessly underneath him, before getting up and pouring himself a drink. As he lifted the glass to his lips he muttered,

"Molly Hooper _dumped_ me."

Sebastian couldn't hold back a snigger as the words sunk in. _Molly Hooper had dumped Jim Moriarty. _Jim obviously heard him as he whipped round, letting out a feral hiss.

"Sebastian Moran, know this. If you are laughing at me, I will come over there and I will _skin_ you." He said, his voice no louder than a murmur, yet it still sent shivers down Sebastian's spine. Mischief flickered in Jim's eyes as he slithered back over to Sebastian.

"Apparently being a gay, criminal mastermind is a relationship dealbreaker." He scoffed.

"Not to me." Sebastian smiled, pulling the smaller man into his arms. Jim hummed happily in response, gently nuzzling his neck.

"So how long did it last? You and Molly?" Said Sebastian, his tone slightly tinged with jealousy. He knew Jim was just playing the game, but the idea of sharing him with anyone else set Sebastian's teeth on edge. Jim, observant as ever pulled back to look up at Sebastian through his long lashes. "Oh my, jealous are we Tiger?" He cooed, flashing a wicked grin.

"No of course not." Sebastian growled, refusing to meet Jim's laughing gaze.

"Come now Sebastian, you know it wasn't real. But to answer your question we were "together" for approximately a week. We went out three times. It was positively tedious." He said, his lip curling in disgust at the memory.

"Wow a whole week. You sure know how to treat 'em Boss." Sebastian teased, smiling as the little criminal glared up at him.

"As if you could have done any better." He sneered.

"Reckon I could have lasted longer than a week." Sebastian huffed, squaring his shoulders at Jim's snide comment.

"Prove it. I dare you to date Molly Hooper for at least eight days." Said Jim, his voice quickening as it did when a new game arose.

"Seems like a lot of effort. What's in it for me?" Yawned Sebastian as he sat the fidgeting criminal onto his lap.

"Anything you want."

Well a million ideas popped into Sebastian's head at that comment. But there was something. Something he desired more than anything. It'd been gnawing at him for a while now. He didn't want to pester Jim, but maybe...

"This...plan of yours. I'm fine with you chasing that detective bloke all over London. I know he got in your way. Hell, I'll even put my life on the line to put him down. But...Jim, promise me one thing? Promise me when the final problem comes, which it will, you won't...die. I can't lose you." Sebastian rushed, his cheeks flushing slightly as he nervously eyed Jim. He seemed stunned at first, then his face softened.

"Sebastian I... I didn't realize you thought about that. Well of course, if I really mean that much to you. I'm stayin' alive". His mouth tilted up into one of his rare, genuine smiles. It quickly passed though as his mind flicked back to the challenge.

"Eight days. No cheating. If you lose..well lets hope that doesn't happen shall we? For your sake." He warned, his eyes glowing darkly at god knows what punishment was forming that brilliant mind of his. He leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on Sebastian's lips, before leaping up from his lap. As he sauntered over to their bedroom, he turned back and gave his sniper a mischievous look.

"The game is on, _Tiger_."


	2. Chapter 2

It was a dreary London morning. The grey sky loomed over the city, as Sebastian Moran hovered outside St Barts Hosptial. He flicked up his coat collar, shielding himself from the bitter February wind. His hawk like gaze was fixed in the tree above him, where a lone Robin was singing. Sebastian wanted to shut it up. Why the hell was it so bloody cheerful on a Monday morning. His hand itched for the gun in his pocket, but instead he pulled out his lighter. He lit up a smoke, took a long drag, and pulled his eyes away from the bird. Sebastian couldn't cause a scene, he was under cover. If you could call it that. He was amazed he'd let it go this far, but that was Jim for you. Once he got a taste for the game there was no stopping him.

"Here you go" Jim had said, thrusting a piece of paper into Sebastian's hand.

"Wait-what?" Sebastian started, but Jim had already snaked out the flat. He glanced down at the paper, a printed out email. It read,

_Dear Mr. Mark Regit_

Sebastian tensed as he read the name. It was one of the many false identity's Jim had supplied him with./p

_We would like to inform you that your application to work as a temp security guard here at St Barts has been accepted. We were more than impressed with your credentials, and look forward to-_

Sebastian sighed. He knew where this was going. He scrunched up the paper and tossed it in the bin. A man with even an ounce of sense would have just ignored it. But Sebastian had no sense when it came to Jim. He would do anything to please the man who had so slyly inserted himself into every one of Sebastian's thoughts. Even if that meant playing a long with his sadistic little games. Besides, he had to admit there was a small part of him that wanted to win.

And so there he was, freezing to death in a ridiculously thin security guard's uniform waiting for his shift to start. He put out his cigarette, and glanced at his watch. 09:00. Time to go. About an hour later and Sebastian was ready to give up. It was the most menial work he'd ever done, just squatting in a dark stuffy room staring through security cameras. He hadn't got the chance to find the Hooper girl yet, as his co worker was keeping a close eye on him.

"Well. I think you know what you're doing now." Said Sebastian's co worker. Sebastian couldn't remember his name. Was it Paul? Simon? Who cared.

"I have to admit, I'm impressed. You're a quick learner Mark. Most newbies struggle, its a pretty complicated system. You'll be okay if I leave a bit earlier, yeah?"

Sebastian repressed a sneer. _Complicated system my arse_, he thought. It'd be easier to hack into than John Waston's facebook account. Jim had loved it when Sebastian posted a coming out status on John's behalf.

"Yeah, course. I think I've got the hang of it." Said Sebastian, feigning a shy smile. The man just gave him a curt nod, grabbed his coat and left. Sebastian made himself wait a few minutes before starting his hunt. Finally he leapt out of his chair and hurried out the office. He knew roughly where he was heading, the morgue was somewhere on the ground floor. As he hurried through the hospital he slipped into his familiar hunting mode. His shoulders squared, his pupils dilated, and a predatory grin flickered across his face. He quickly drew up his mind map. Not as fancy as Jim's "mind castle" i(the pretentious sod)/i but it helped Sebastian store the profiles of his targets. As he drew up Molly Hooper's name, he had to remind himself that she wasn't a target. Well, not quite. He quickly scanned through her details.

_Age: 32_

_Occupation: Specialist Registrar_

_Pressure points: Cats, Father, SH, Jim, Lipstick_

Sebastian had just finished skimming her profile when he reached the morgue. He took a few deep breathes, steadying himself. He wasn't a fan of this acting bullshit, that was Jim's job. He quickly checked his uniform, everything was in order, the gun in his pocket wasn't visible. He gently pushed open the door and…walked straight into Molly Hooper.

"Oh, sorry." He said as she tripped, paperwork flying everywhere.

_You're being far too nonchalant, Tiger._

Sebastian gritted his teeth at the mocking tone, even in his mind Jim was a teasing bastard. He was right though, Sebastian was no where near as flustered as an ordinary person would be. That's what came with being acclimatized to violence. He quickly searched his head for something embarrassing, anything to make him blush. His boss, of course, was the first thing that came to mind. Jim smiling…Jim smiling on Sebastian's bed…Jim smiling naked on Sebastian's bed.

Well that certainly got his blood pumping, although he had hoped it would be a _little_ further north.

"God, really I'm so sorry here let me help." He said breathlessly, as he bent down to help Molly pick up the papers.

"Sorry I didn't see you there." She mumbled.

"What are you apologizing for? I bumped into you." Sebastian laughed. "Here let me help you up." He stood up and offered the girl his hand. As he pulled her up she stumbled slightly, and pressed against his chest.

"Opps…sorry." She said again, quickly stepping back.

"Don't be." Murmured Sebastian, his voice low and husky as he gave her a lingering look. Red leaked into her cheeks as she nervously smiled and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes.

"Soo is there something I can help you with?" She said, her eyes darting expectantly around the lab.

Well shit he hadn't thought this far ahead.

"You know, i've completely forgotten why I came down here." He laughed sheepishly, flashing her a goofy grin.

"Oh okay, well never mind." She said smiling, but Sebastian could practically taste the disappointment in her voice. As she turned away, an idea popped into his head.

"Hey wait, let me make this up to you." He said, making his voice sound as eager as he could. "I mean if you want to, we could, I don't know..coffee… or if you're too busy that's fi-"

"Coffee would be nice." She replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Okay! Great! Uh what time do you get off?"

"5'o clock."

"Alright, I'll see you then?" He asked. This was going to be so easy.

"Alright." She said timidly, her smile lighting up her face.

She went back to her work, and Sebastian turned to walk out the lab. As he reached for the door he hesitated and said,

"By the way, your lipstick…"

Her shoulders tensed.

"It's very flattering."

"Oh! Thank you." She giggled as he pushed his way through the door.

It was late by the time Sebastian finally got home, he was surprisingly exhausted from his "date" with Molly. Putting on a facade was tedious, but he had to admit there was something about the girl that made him smile. She certainly wasn't as naive as Jim had made out.

"Oh Sebastian, thank goodness you're back!" A familiar voice piped up as he walked through the door. Mrs. Turner was hovering nearby, nervously clutching her knitting as she glanced warily upstairs. "He's in one of his moods again. I tried to check on him but he just threw that dreadful skull at me. Where on earth did he find a skull?"

"He…borrowed it from a friend. Don't worry Mrs. Turner, I'll talk him round. Are you alright?" Said Sebastian. Despite being a cold hearted criminal, he had a soft spot for his landlady, and so did Jim. In fact, one of the rare occasions Jim "got his hands dirty" was when a disappointed client tried to attack her.

"I know you will dear, you always do. Don't you fret about me, I'm fine. After all, you boys keep me young!" She laughed as she walked back into the other room.

Sebastian slowly made his way up the stairs, his stomach twisting in fear. An angry Jim meant an unpredictable Jim, which often lead to one of his little experiments, like making someone into shoes. Sebastian gently pushed opened the door and peered inside.

"Jim?" He whispered into the darkness. Nothing. He eased into the flat, and switched on a nearby lamp. Jim was sitting on the sofa in front of him, hugging his legs as he glared out the window.

"James Moriarty, are you sulking?" Said Sebastian, trying to repress the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

"You're late." Snapped Jim, refusing to look at him as he took a swig from a whisky bottle. Sebastian could see the whites of his knuckles as he gripped onto it.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was under curfew now." Sebastian chuckled as he made his way over to the sofa.

Jim turned to throw Sebastian one of his withering looks, but paused as he saw Sebastian in his uniform. He licked his lips as he eyed him up and down, then suddenly remembering he was angry, flipped over so that his back was facing Sebastian.

"I suppose I should get used to it. Now that you're out all night with your new girlfriend."

"Is that what all this is about? Jim this was your stupid game! I didn't even want to do it, remember?" Said Sebastian.

"Yes but you weren't supposed to enjoy it." Jim muttered.

Sebastian sighed, and moved so that he curled around Jim. He gently pressed himself against the smaller man, and ran his hand through Jim's hair.

"You have no reason to be jealous." He said as he softly kissed his way up Jim's neck. Jim's rigid body softened slightly, but he stayed silent.

"I'm _yours_ James." Sebastian whispered, his voice deep as his lips brushed against Jim's ear.

"Hmm" Jim hummed, a shiver running down his spine as Sebastian words resonated within him. He pulled himself up, and slid onto his sniper's lap.

"Yes well," Said Jim, his voice low. He tilted Sebastian's chin up, his thumb grazing over the other man's lower lip. "I think it's time I reminded you of that."

"Yes Boss." Sebastian said breathlessly, his body melting against Jim's


End file.
